Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
