Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
