I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
