you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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