If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
