How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
