So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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