About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
