If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
