Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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