Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
