I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
