Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
