I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
