i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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