It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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