i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
