Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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