what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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