I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
you never un-have a 4some
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
