if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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