Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm really into asian looking animals
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
