He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Randomize
