Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
