Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
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Clothes are such an inconvenience.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
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I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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