when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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