I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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