Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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