i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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