Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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