forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
