im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Never joke about your clitoris.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
