i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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