sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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