it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
