i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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