don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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