I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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