On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
