I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
