What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
