$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
