My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
We are two peas in an std pod
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.