the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.