He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.