he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
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Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
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Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.