Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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