i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
