so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
she pinky promised me she was 18
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
