you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
