I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
