I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
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Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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