I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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