Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
