My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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