the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
