Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
