It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
