if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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