I think I am morally bankrupt
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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