Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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