And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
