Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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