WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
