Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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